Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Hoy es martes, lluvia, cortázar, lorca, furia...

la lluvia persiste desde la madrugada, y no es que sea sea un diluvio, pero es de esas persistentes que te mojan el alma, y sacuden esquemas y te impulsan a la nada.... 
y me parece que en día martes y de lluvia no hay nada mejor que cortázar...

"...otra vez encontrarte en el café de la mañana
sin que tanta cosa irrenunciable
hubiera sucedido.
Y no tener que acordarme de este olvido que sube
para nada, para borrar del pizarrón tus muñequitos
y no dejarme más que una ventana sin estrellas"

pues solamente cortázar...y me excusan la falta de mayúsculas...es martes de lluvia y de cortázar y de lorca y de furia...y todo se iguala...y si no puedo igualar en la vida quizás igualo en las letras que junto en conjuro de vacíos existenciales.... y como decía, solamente cortázar da forma hermosa a este sentimiento feroz que tenemos para dar mas sin embargo, cae en terreno vacío....

"Esta ternura y estas manos libres,
¿a quién darlas bajo el viento ? Tanto arroz
para la zorra, y en medio del llamado
la ansiedad de esa puerta abierta para nadie"

terreno yermo....yerma.... 

"Yo no debo tener manos de madre.
[…] Porque estoy harta, Porque estoy harta de tenerlas y no poderlas usar en cosa propia"

y es que lorca... es lorca.... como en su poema "prólogo" que descubrí hace poco....

PROLOGO

24 de julio de 1920(Vega de Zujaira)


Mi corazón está aquí,
Dios mío,
hunde tu cetro en él, Señor.
Es un membrillo
demasiado otoñal
y está podrido.
Arranca los esqueletos
de los gavilanes líricos
que tanto, tanto lo hirieron,
y si acaso tienes pico
móndale su corteza
de hastío.


Mas si no quieres hacerlo,
me da lo mismo,
guárdate tu cielo azul,
que es tan aburrido,
el rigodón de los astros.
Y tu infinito,
que yo pediré prestado
el corazón a un amigo.
Un corazón con arroyos
y pinos,
y un ruiseñor de hierro
que resista
el martillo
de los siglos.


Además, Satanás me quiere mucho,
fue compañero mío
en un examen de
lujuria, y el pícaro
buscará a Margarita,
me lo tiene ofrecido.
Margarita morena,
sobre un fondo de viejos olivos,
con dos trenzas de noche
de estío,
para que yo desgarre
sus muslos limpios.
Y entonces, ¡oh Señor!,
seré tan rico
o más que tú,
porque el vacío
no puede compararse
al vino
con que Satán obsequia
a sus buenos amigos.
Licor hecho con llanto.
¡Qué más da!
Es lo mismo
que tu licor compuesto
de trinos.


Dime, Señor,
¡Dios mío!
¿Nos hundes en la sombra
del abismo?
¿Somos pájaros ciegos
sin nidos?


La luz se va apagando.
¿Y el aceite divino?
Las olas agonizan.
¿Has querido
jugar como si fuéramos
soldaditos?
Dime, Señor,
¡Dios mío!
¿No llega el dolor nuestro
a tus oídos?
¿No han hecho las blasfemias
Babeles sin ladrillos
para herirte, o te gustan
los gritos?
¿Estas sordo? ¿Estás ciego?
¿O eres bizco
de espíritu
y ves el alma humana
con tonos invertidos?


¡Oh Señor soñoliento!
¡Mira mi corazón
frío
como un membrillo
demasiado otoñal
que está podrido!
Si tu luz va a llegar,
abre los ojos vivos;
pero si continúas
dormido,
ven, Satanás errante,
sangriento peregrino,
ponme la Margarita
morena en los olivos
con las trenzas de noche
de estío,
que yo sabré encenderle
sus ojos pensativos
con mis besos manchados
de lirios.
Y oiré una tarde ciega
mi ¡Enrique! ¡Enrique!,
lírico,
mientras todos mis sueños
se llenan de rocío.
Aquí, Señor, te dejo
mi corazón antiguo,
voy a pedir prestado
otro nuevo a un amigo.
Corazón con arroyos
y pinos,
corazón sin culebras
ni lirios.
Robusto, con la gracia
de un joven campesino
que atraviesa de un salto
el río.


así bien...seguimos frente en alto en furia.... de esa de las buenas, que nos mueve y remueve, nos impulsa y nos lleva a alcanzar lugares que quizás antes pensáramos eran inalcanzables... 
 

Friday, April 2, 2010

Good Friday... good thoughts

Even as the smell of coffee slowly makes it up my brain, I can see it will be a hazy day...perhaps nature reflects our moods, as great romantic poets posed....night was interrupted by a call, which I still try to understand... a bit hard to put together the crying I heard when my brain was screaming that it did not want to be bothered for it needed the coma-induced sleep the melatonin tablet had given it....
I'd rather be in another country, Italy perhaps? If only that could guarantee the past few days would be forgotten...but I must also admit, trials and tribulations are needed to force us into growth, into new perspectives, however painful they might initially seem....one day you are a certain someone's future, only to find yourself being that person's past, and you seem to be the last one to learn about it.... but that too, is ok... it too shall pass
Now, when precisely will that be? It certainly can't be soon enough but we must accept the fact that it will happen when we finally embrace the change it has thrown us into... this too shall pass....

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Cuando un amigo se va

...y es que pido disculpas si cansa el sonsonete...pero necesito lavar el alma de esta tristeza que la empaña....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjfH2oNsa34&feature=PlayList&p=90DFA54087C5045C&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=31

From "Song of Myself" Walt Whitman

6
A child said What is the grass? fetching it to me with full hands;
How could I answer the child? I do not know what it is any more than he.

I guess it must be the flag of my disposition, out of hopeful green stuff woven.

Or I guess it is the handkerchief of the Lord,
A scented gift and remembrancer designedly dropt,
Bearing the owner's name someway in the corners, that we may see and remark, and say Whose?
Or I guess the grass is itself a child, the produced babe of the vegetation.

Or I guess it is a uniform hieroglyphic,
And it means, Sprouting alike in broad zones and narrow zones,
Growing among black folks as among white,
Kanuck, Tuckahoe, Congressman, Cuff, I give them the same, I receive them the same.

And now it seems to me the beautiful uncut hair of graves.

Tenderly will I use you curling grass,
It may be you transpire from the breasts of young men,
It may be if I had known them I would have loved them.
It may be you are from old people, or from offspring taken soon out of their mothers' laps,
And here you are the mothers' laps.

This grass is very dark to be from the white heads of old mothers.
Darker than the colorless beards of old men,
Dark to come from under the faint red roofs of mouths.

O I perceive after all so many uttering tongues,
And I perceive they do not come from the roofs of mouths for nothing.

I wish I could translate the hints about the dead young men and women,
And the hints about old men and mothers, and the offspring taken soon out of their laps.

What do you think has become of the young and old men?
And what do you think has become of the women and children?

They are alive and well somewhere,
The smallest sprout shows there is really no death,
And if ever there was it led forward life, and does not wait at the end to arrest it,
And ceas'd the moment life appear'd.

All goes onward and outward, nothing collapses,
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier.

Life's trials and other little things....

Two days ago, a dear, dear friend of mine passed away...I was privileged to have had him in my life...blessed to have his wife be my best friend for the past fifteen years and counting...I have seen their children grow into men...watched them grow along with mine...laughed with all of them, and shed tears together as a life came to a closing...a man so wonderful, I believe he was unique. I only need now rejoice in the comfort that he is in peace, in a place where there is no suffering, and certainly watching all over his loved ones, as he did all his life...

It is at times like this when one knows, learns who friends really are...and I won't be selfish and pretend that my pain is the same as that of the sons and wife who have just lost him...but it is indeed a very real pain...

However, as hours grow into days, and days grow into weeks, and weeks into months and so on... we will better accept the physical loss and rejoice at the spiritual rebirth that has taken place...

When one goes through such understanding, other little things, however hurtful, for our feelings and emotions are raw...are not as important.... discovering that who you thought loved you can be indignant over a rather usual question, and choose to make himself emotionally and physically unavailable during a time like this...painful....but it is not the end of the world....

It is true that friends are the family that one chooses... now more than ever that has become so evident in my life... and though I'd give the world to have certain things a different way than they are right now... everything happens for a reason... and if the Supreme Divinity has made our course change direction...it probably is for the better